Good Sleepers Do Nothing

Looking back over more than twenty years of working with people experiencing chronic insomnia, there's one observation that changed the course of my career more than any other.At the time, I was using traditional cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia. Much of it was helpful, and many people improved. But there was something I couldn't ignore. My clients were working incredibly hard to sleep. They arrived with detailed bedtime routines, strict rules, supplements, relaxation techniques, and endless strategies they hoped would finally unlock a good night's sleep.If I'm honest, I was often adding to that list. I was recommending sleep hygiene, suggesting behavioural changes, and introducing more techniques to try.Yet the harder everyone seemed to work, the more elusive sleep became.Then one day I noticed something remarkably simple.If you ask someone who sleeps well what they do to fall asleep, they're often completely puzzled by the question. They might shrug and say, "Nothing really. I just go to bed."Ask someone with chronic insomnia the same question and the answer is usually very different. They can often describe an entire evening of routines, rituals, supplements, breathing exercises, checking the clock, changing position, trying to relax, trying not to think, and searching for the perfect conditions in which sleep might finally happen.That contrast stopped me in my tracks.Sleep is one of the very few things in life that cannot be achieved through greater effort. It's a natural biological process. We don't make it happen. We create the conditions in which it is allowed to happen.But somewhere along the way, sleep had become a problem to solve. Something to fix. Something that demanded more effort, more control, and more strategies.Gradually, I began to realise that many people weren't only struggling with sleep. They were struggling with the struggle to sleep. The more important sleep became, the more pressure surrounded it. And the more pressure there was, the more difficult sleep became.That simple observation marked the beginning of a profound shift in my own thinking. I became less interested in asking, "What else can we do to make sleep happen?" and more interested in asking, "What would happen if we stopped trying quite so hard?"At the time, I didn't yet have the language of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. But I was beginning to understand something that has shaped my work ever since. Lasting recovery wasn't about finding more techniques. It was about helping people develop a different relationship with sleep itself.Over the years, that insight has only become more relevant. We now live in a world of sleep trackers, supplements, podcasts, gadgets, and endless advice. Yet despite all of these solutions, many people find themselves caught in an even greater struggle.The principle that first caught my attention all those years ago still feels just as true today.Good sleepers do very little.Not because they don't care about sleep, but because they trust it enough to let it come on its own.Sometimes doing less isn't giving up.Sometimes it's the beginning of finding your way back to sleep.